Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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