I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
