he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
