shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
