Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's official drugs can't kill me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Can you repeat that, but with context?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
