Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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