she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
