I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
