i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
love makes seman taste better
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
