I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
