i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We have so much sex to catch up on
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
