I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
this boner is exhausting
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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