You don't have asthma, your pregnant
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize