Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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