somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
