It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
