She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
