the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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