So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
