Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
