My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Another day, another engagement, another cat
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
