Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
you made out with another girl for some wings
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