i barfeds in our rink
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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