last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
