I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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