There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
