I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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