How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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