I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
