White coat. Heels.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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