Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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