They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
