she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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