whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
