I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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