My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
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