I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
