Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
