He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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