I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
