i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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