im drinking this country out of the recession.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
