it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
