so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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