I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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