the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
