i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
