i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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