My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Even my vagina gasped.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
