Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
