i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
