If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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