look no pants
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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