I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
