quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
