According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
