I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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