In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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