Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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