Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
