brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
