Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
