I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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