meet me or not, i'm out of control
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
