I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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