just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
