I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Semen is not good for contacts.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize