I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
