is wine microwaveable?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
