Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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