so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
