she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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