You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
