They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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