Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
