that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This is classic penis vs brain.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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