I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
