Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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