i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
